Showing Up With Intention: A Reflection from Woman of Drummer 2025
- Women of Drummer
- Dec 2
- 3 min read
People often ask me what it feels like to be Woman of Drummer 2025. Many expect an easy answer or a picture-perfect moment. In reality, being Women of Drummer does not remove you from life. It puts you right in the middle of it.
When I came home after winning, the excitement was real. I was proud and grateful. Then the weight of everything waiting for me showed up just as quickly. My family went through loss. My personal relationships shifted. My Leather house had changes. My Leather organization had changes. Friends were grieving. People were losing jobs. Folks were trying to make it through hard moments in silence. In the larger Leather community, we also lost elders and leaders who influenced entire regions. It felt like everyone was holding something heavy at the same time.
October had been full of energy before all of that settled in. I led the Jack My Lantern: Seven Sins and Sacred Skins challenge in the Drum Circle. People showed up with humor, creativity, and honesty. It reminded me why these spaces matter and how important it is for community to have room to express and explore.
I also traveled with my Leather house to teach at Black and Kinky. Being in a room full of Black kinky and Leather people felt grounding. Teaching with Ezulie Supreme. Catching up with old friends. Meeting new folks who were excited to learn. It was a good reminder of how strong and alive our community is and how important it is to pour into each other.
November is always a reflective month for me. It is when I celebrate my sobriety anniversary. Five years. I made that decision because I wanted to walk my Leather path with clarity and integrity. Sobriety is not the entire story, but it is part of the base that helps me show up with intention.
This month I also received my Women of Drummer vest created by Wolf Stryker. That moment felt important. On the first day of my sobriety journey, I picked up my ONYX Pearls vest with my pledge line. Now five years later, I received another vest at another turning point in my Leather life. Both moments represented commitment, not perfection.
Throughout the month, more people reached out than usual.
“Do you have time to talk”
“I am struggling”
“I need guidance”
Some conversations were simple. Many were not. Supporting people through grief, confusion, conflict, or uncertainty is a steady part of Leather. It is not loud work, but it is necessary and it matters.
All of this happened while the national climate continued to shift. Attacks on LGBTQ and especially trans rights kept coming. Policies that try to limit care. Policies that try to erase identities. Policies that create fear. This pressure sits underneath everything. It shapes the way our communities move and the way we support one another.
Even with all that happening, November was not only heavy. I made room for myself too. I had two scenes this month that helped ground me. Play is not an escape. It helps me stay balanced and connected to my body. It is part of my wellness and part of my Leather practice.
As November closed, my focus moved to December. It will be first Women of Drummer regional in San Diego. Preparing for it means stepping into a new season with everything November showed me about presence, consistency, and community care.
So when people ask what it feels like to be Women of Drummer, this is my honest answer:
It feels like carrying the title and carrying real life at the same time.
It feels like being part of the community rather than sitting above it.
It feels like honoring both wins and losses.
It feels like showing up even when the month is heavy.
It feels like supporting others while still making space for yourself.
It feels like growth, responsibility, and connection.
That is what it feels like to be Women of Drummer. It is not about perfection. It is about showing up with intention, joining with others, and walking forward one clear step at a time.
Delilah "Dee" Duval, Woman of Drummer 2025
