I Didn’t Expect Costa Rica to Crack Me Open Like This

Playground in Costa Rica

Just wow.

Short stay. Big memories.

This trip became my fourth regional event as Woman of Drummer 2025, and it reminded me once again that leather is not one language, one aesthetic, or one way of connecting. Across cultures and countries, people are still searching for the same thing: spaces where they can safely unfold into themselves.

My first full day in Costa Rica ended with dinner among new friends. From the moment I arrived, the country itself felt calming. The hotel carried the sounds of the rainforest through the building, while outside the city birds seemed to sing constantly overhead. It was the beginning of the rainy season, so the days moved between hot sun and light showers that sat softly against the skin.

The following day was quieter. I spent most of it working remotely before exploring a local university. Because of the holiday, the campus was quiet, almost still, and I remember walking through it completely in awe. There was something peaceful about the silence, the greenery, and simply realizing I was standing in Costa Rica after all the planning and anticipation.

Later that night we attended our meet-and-greet held at a restaurant that felt more like a museum than a dining space. Hidden throughout the room were subtle kinky details and décor that quietly winked at you instead of demanding attention. There were even two stylishly dressed dogs wandering around the venue like they personally owned the place.

Growing up in New York, I am used to hearing spaces move naturally between English and Spanish. But this was one of the first times I truly understood what it feels like not to be centered linguistically. Nearly everyone spoke Spanish fluently. I found myself pulling from middle school Spanish and a few college classes just trying to follow along. And honestly? It humbled me.

In the United States we often move through the world assuming we are the main characters. Costa Rica reminded me what it feels like to exist in a space where you are the minority, where understanding requires effort, patience, and vulnerability. Thankfully, kind people helped translate and made me feel included throughout the experience.

As we introduced ourselves and shared our interests, I was fascinated by the openness in the room. So many people were interested in impact, rope, sensation, and connection. The next day we traveled together to the location for a roundtable discussion and play party. The moment I saw the mountains and water, I audibly gasped.

The roundtable itself happened inside an infinity pool.

Yes. In the pool.

Shortly afterward, the play party began poolside as well. The sounds of floggers and whips echoing near the water became music to my ears.

The Costa Rican kink community felt deeply sensual to me. Of course we have sensual players in the States, but there was something different about watching massage, touch, and care naturally integrated into scenes and aftercare all around me.

One of the people I connected with most deeply was someone whose thoughtful questions centered on play, intimacy, and emotional connection. At one point they admitted they sometimes fear falling in love through play and questioned whether they truly belonged in kink spaces because they do not form attachments as quickly as others seem to, nor do they desire connection in the same ways many people around them do. I reminded them that kink comes in many flavors, just like leatherwomen do.

There is no singular way to belong.

What started as conversation eventually became touch. We exchanged massage and impact play, and I received one of the best back massages I have ever experienced. The tension knot in my lower back disappeared completely, and another lingering knot has been slowly surrendering as well.

I love being a Top. I genuinely do. I love guiding, observing, holding space, and pouring into others. But being held reminded me that I deserve touch too. I deserve softness too. Sometimes it feels good to stop performing strength and simply feel feminine. I hope my girlies know exactly what I mean when I say that.

I also had the pleasure of playing with another woman who had relocated to Costa Rica while learning Spanish and building community abroad. She described herself as a major pain slut, and I happily unleashed my sadistic side during a heavy impact scene that left us both smiling.

Earlier during the meet-and-greet, she had spoken about enjoying certain forms of intimate play but not having experienced them in quite some time. While we initially discussed exploring that together, I later stepped back and allowed someone newer to guide that experience instead. And honestly, watching younger folx step into their power may always be one of my favorite things.

There was another moment during the event that stayed with me deeply. One attendee had initially been hesitant to attend or play at all. You could feel the nervousness in their body. But over time I watched them slowly soften into the environment, relax into the space, and eventually begin to play.

Trust became visible right in front of me.

One of my favorite scenes of the weekend was a playful interrogation roleplay that let me bring out one of my favorite dynamics. Even with moments of laughter and breaking character, it felt fulfilling in a way that reminded me why I love play in the first place. Not because it has to be perfect, but because it creates room for connection, creativity, and exploration.

One of my favorite moments of the entire trip was floating topless in the pool alongside other women. There was no performance in that moment. No posturing. No pressure. Just connection, softness, laughter, and presence.

That may have been the moment I felt Woman of Drummer the most. Not because of a title. But because of the openness. Because of the trust. Because of the willingness to simply exist together honestly.

And then Sunday came, and just like that, it was time to head home.

I left Costa Rica feeling desired, open, and deeply reminded that leatherwomen exist beautifully all over this world. Hearing leather conversations happen passionately in another language shifted something in me emotionally. I already knew we were global, but witnessing it firsthand was something entirely different.

Thank you to the local community for hosting what may genuinely have been the wettest regional event of the year. I fell in love with the energy, the sensuality, the warmth, and the people of Costa Rica.

Dee Duval, Woman of Drummer 2025

San Jose Downtown Market

Hosting the Roundtable in the Pool