There have been so many emotions this past month, I can barely describe a small portion of them. There have been wonderful highs and deep connections. And there has been painful loss and separation. Someone asked me how my title year was going and the quote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” came to mind.
We have lost a truly amazing person in our community. While I got to know Moggy a short time at the Women of Drummer regional in Evansville, IN, it was quite evident what a shining light she was in the leather community. She embodied all that a woman of drummer is, playful, badass, compassionate, dedicated to her community and always willing to give (or take) a helping hand.
None of us are free from the pain of loss. It can happen at any moment and instead of internalizing it, we are supposed to feel it. To reach out to those we love who are still with us and connect through our shared humanity. That is a much easier sentence to write, than to practice. Those of us who practice sadomasochism, are all too familiar with leaning into the pain and the loss and the discomfort – and just breathing. To feel the storm and let it wash over us without crumbling in its wake.
I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who is part of that journey of testing and rebuilding ourselves and our relationships. Hopefully to grow deeper roots and taller branches than when we started. It is not an easy path, but one well worth it as we find the beautiful imperfections in ourselves and those we come to love.
There is always a risk in reaching out to another soul. The threat of being disconnected from our tribe is a threat to our survival. The fear of not being accepted is built into our DNA. Because to not belong, means to go it alone.
We all deserve community. Of being accepted for where we are at and allowed to grow and be nurtured. To make connections and bonds everywhere we may go. I’m excited to be doing this journey with all of you. There will undoubtedly be challenges, metaphorical and literal storms. It is the moments of connection that are created when we gather together that feed us individually and as a whole.
I was fortunate to attend Bound by Desire’s – The Hunt a couple of weekends ago. It was a fantastic experience of joy and screams. I got to have fun with some new and old acquaintances where we played a game introduced to me by Mz Jewcy called The Wheel of Misfortune, that ended up becoming – Sponge Bob Square FUCK! It consisted of canes and other implements being drummed on my thighs while I tried to remember the words of the song. I must say it was very successful as I ended up winning the Best Noises award. Not an easy feat as there were many top contenders that weekend!
Saturday night we got to dress up, and enjoyed the amazing food prepared by Dory and other Bound by Desire members. It had a lovely haunted mansion theme and even the weather added to the ambiance with gusts of rain, beckoning everyone to take refuge around gothic Victorian picnic tables. Finally all the work, planning, preparation culminated in peaceful communion of a tribe who would soon disperse to make wonderful revelry. For those moments we were all together, sharing a common thread in our journeys. And then, just like the rain, we cleared up and went on to the next destination.
I hope we all get to connect, even for a short while, in a meaningful way. When I won Women of Drummer 2023, I was told of a tradition of scratching the back of another title holder’s medallion with your own, symbolizing the mark we leave on each other. While I can see why it’s not a universal practice, it resonates with how we travel through each other’s lives. I hope to be the calm and not the storm, but there will surely be both along the way. Whatever state you may find yourself in this year, I hope you can come together with Women of Drummer, and share in the journey.
Lipstick , Woman of Drummer 2023
Leenie, Briar, & I
Bound by Desire, The Hunt